OK, so I was getting plane tickets from O’Hare to Indianapolis, a one hour flight. I checked the websites of both American and United. American Airlines’ website offered me, along with a host of non-stop flights, a one-stop flight to Indianapolis (!) which stopped off at Dallas-Ft. Worth (!!) for one and a half hours (!!!) in between flights, making it a grand total of five hours and forty-five minutes (!!!!) before I would get to my destination.

Maybe that option was for people who just love airports. They’re so exhilarating.

After purchasing from United, I looked at United’s FAQ section. One question was titled, “I have a non-refundable ticket and will not be traveling. Can I obtain a refund?” (emphasis mine). To my disappointment, the answer didn’t really address the question — it simply mentioned that you can exchange tickets for another date. I guess I shouldn’t get a job writing the answers to frequently asked questions.

I overheard the following conversation on the bus today after school. I swear that it was just like this–I haven’t embellished anything or made anything up. I tried to memorize it as exactly as possible because I wouldn’t hear many things like it ever again. Hopefully. The conversation stands on its own, though I would like to add one comment: these two people are going to join the American electorate.

[the conversation hasn't caught my attention yet]
Male: “You are SO Jewish!”
Female: “I’m Christian.”
“Wait, really? Anyway, you’re still so Jew-ish. You get it?”
“Ha ha.”
“Y’know, like ‘This thing is bluish,’ y’know.”
“Yeah, I got it.”
“So it’s like, Jew-ish. You’re so totally Jew-ish.”
“Yeah. I get it. Very funny.”
“Oh hey, can I drink some of your water?”
“Well, okay, but it’s warm, you won’t want it.”
“No, I love warm water!”
“Eww, it’s so disgusting.”
“No, it’s great! And it’s good for you too.”
“Wait, really?”
“Yeah, it is.”
“Why?”
“Well, have you taken bio yet?”
“Yeah, I took it last year.”
“Oh okay, so you know how body temperature is like 98.6 degrees, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Our body can’t use water if it’s below 98.6 degrees. So we need to use energy to warm it up if we drink cold water.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. So if we drink warm water, it’s more healthy for us. I love water when it’s hot, but not scalding or anything.”
[At this point, I want to interject that the claim about water is completely bogus, and besides, room temperature is a lot closer to 98.6 degrees than hot water is. I refrain to see what happens.]
“Wow, I never knew that.”
“Yeah, it’s true.”
“Y’know, I hate Dasani. I opened it once and it fizzed when I opened it, and I was like, ‘What? This isn’t supposed to have carbonation.’ This is stupid. And it’s like so salty.”
“Yeah. I love Fiji water though.”
“It’s really expensive.”
“Yeah, but you can, like, taste the Fiji in it. It’s really good. Oh, have you ever had dry water?”
“What?”
“Well, you know how like, wine makes your mouth dry after you have it? Well, there’s like dry water, it makes your mouth dry afterwards.”
“Really? That’s so cool.”

There was absolutely no sarcasm in the conversation, either. At this point, my head was starting to hurt, and I tuned out. Besides, the conversation turned to a discussion of racial topics, and I decided I wasn’t all that interested in hearing what this budding scientist had to say about politics.

So I’m on Wikipedia, searching for the famous Nicolas Poussin painting with the tomb. Damn, what was it called? Some Latin phrase about Arcadia. About death. Let’s try “death in Arcadia.”

So I get the article Arcadia Lake (porn star) about a ’70s porn star. Several results later is Et in Arcadia ego, the famous Poussin painting with the cryptic tomb inscription “I am also in Arcadia.”

I guess that’s what you have to expect nowadays. At least Ms. Arcadia Lake’s (née Michelle Carpenter’s) picture isn’t as dumpy as most modern porn stars’.

Which leads me to the most important question — what would Poussin say if he saw one of her movies? I personally vote for “Quod Arcadia ego cum.”