This is perhaps the funniest thing I have ever seen. This is a real album cover.

I taped the picture on the outside of my door. It was epic.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/6979292.stm

Goats sacrificed to fix Nepal jet Nepal’s state-run airline has confirmed that it sacrificed two goats to appease a Hindu god, following technical problems with one of its aircraft.

I am not sure how to react. This is certainly one interesting juxtaposition of “technology.”

…but I’m still laughing about this one.

http://img.worsethanfailure.com/Images/200708/error’d/userguide.jpg

(two college girls, standing in front of refrigerator with milk)

“I think my mom would always get fat-free milk. ‘Cause, like, it’s the same, but with less fat.”
“Oh, so then, is that, like…two percent?”

Me: (at Office Depot) “Hi, do you have Bluetooth mice?”
Generic retail guy: “Yeah, all our mice are right over here.” (leads me to various mice)
Me: (one minute later) “I see you have some wireless mice, but none of them appear to be Bluetooth.”
Retail guy: “Right, you’d need to use the little…USB connector things that come with the wireless mice here to use them. We have laser mice and regular optical mice.”
Me: “Um, yeah, but I’m really looking for Bluetooth in particular because my computer has internal Bluetooth, so I wouldn’t need to use a dongle.”
Retail guy: “Well, if you think about it, it doesn’t really make sense to have a Bluetooth mouse, right? I mean, if you’re in a Starbucks or something, how does your computer know which to listen to? Know what I mean?”
Me: “No.”
Retail guy: “Well, how would your computer know you were using your Bluetooth mouse?”
Me: “Because I would pair my laptop and mouse. It’s just as if I had a dongle.”
Retail guy: “Yeah, but what I mean is, it wouldn’t make sense for there to be a Bluetooth mouse. If you’re in your apartment and you’re using the Internet, how does your computer use both at the same time?”
Me: “Um, look, Bluetooth mice definitely exist. I still don’t know why the Internet has anything to do with a mouse.”
Retail guy: “Well, how could your computer listen to the wireless Internet and to a Bluetooth mouse at the same time?”
Me: “…Uh, Bluetooth and wi-fi are totally different.”
Retail guy: “Oh, y’know, I…err…I got confused, I was thinking of something else. Never mind.”
Me: “Okay…”
Retail guy: “Yeah, so…I don’t think we have any Bluetooth mice. All we have is right here.”
Me: “Thank…you…?”

Yeah, he had no idea what he was talking about.

WikiHow is seriously, like, the dumbest thing ever.

If you aren’t familiar with it, WikiHow, located at wikihow.com, is a wiki (collaboratively-edited online project) filled with how-to guides. Now, at first it makes sense that people would write how-to guides for each other. But here’s why it doesn’t work in practice: would you take advice from a random person online? Okay, well, some people would. But even if you were one of these people, would you take advice from the type of person who would write pro bono advice on an advice wiki?

I mean, if you needed advice on kissing, would you listen to somebody who sits around all day writing kissing guides on websites? I sure as hell wouldn’t. Just curious–with all the time he spends writing how-to guides, how often does he actually get kissed? I mean, I’ll admit that I spend lots of time online, but (a) I don’t write kissing guides, and (b) the last time I was kissed I had no urge to run to a computer to document my findings.

I’m not sure how to show you how stupid WikiHow is–and WikiHow doesn’t have a guide for how to do that, either–but I think that these examples will be more than enough.

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How to Show Others You Are Not a Lesbian: I mean, I understand that some girls have this issue, but I don’t think this guide transcends the bleeding obvious. Step 7 reads, and I quote, “Tone down your masculine traits for example being super loud, punching people etc.”

How to Talk to a Guy Over the Phone: “Talking on the phone sounds easy, right? Wrong! Not once you get to the part of talking in reality!” Hi Brad, I, uh, SHIT WHAT DO I SAY AGAIN I’M TOO BUSY THINKING ABOUT HIS PENIS TO KNOW WHAT TO SAY

How to Meet Boys While Attending an All Girls High School: gee I dunno maybe you should get off this stupid website and on the nearest boy you can find I hear they appreciate that kind of thing

How to Make Use of Your iPod: The first step is seriously “Get an iPod.” I’m not even kidding.

How to Appreciate Goth Music: Step 5 is “Realize it is not scary.” That alone makes me want to avoid all of the artists mentioned in the article.

How to Court a Christian Girl: Step 1: “Find yourself a good Christian girl. Good places to look might be church” hahahahahahahahahah

How to Create Small Scale Anarchism: Wait, this isn’t really an article, is it? Is it?

How to Turn off a Street Light: Quick, Albus, the put-outer! Oh wait, this is a serious article. Shine a flashlight at the light sensor? laaaaame

How to Be a Sex Kitten Like Brigitte Bardot: Step 10: “Spread your name, you don’t want to waste your time becoming a sex kitten for nothing.” They did not just seriously say that.

How to Effectively Convince Others That You Are a Woman Without Getting a Sex Change (Guys): Step 1: “Smooth your face. A heavy beard is a dead giveaway.”

How to Sex Dwarf Hamsters: hey jimmy let’s go sex some dwarf hamsters giggle

…

Ahh, it feels good to flame websites.

So the other day I was making a cup of tea, and asked my sister whether she would like some as well. Since I didn’t mind leaving the teabag in my own cup while I drank it, I realized that the easiest way to make two cups of tea of approximately the same strength would be to first put the teabag in her cup, and then to move it to my cup for the remainder of the time. This is because the teabag lets flavor out the fastest at the beginning, and gets increasingly slow at it as time progresses. Of course the tea flavor always increases; there’s no point at which the teabag starts reclaiming flavor for itself.

With all these words like “increases” and “increasingly slow” this sounds like a good opportunity for some calculus.

The graph above represents f(t), the derivative of tea flavor with respect to time. Note that df/dt (which will now be referred to as Tea/Time) is always positive, but decreases in value approaching zero as time approaches infinity. The strength of the tea–denoted F(t)–is the definite integral of this graph over some time interval.

Let’s make some assumptions to make this problem easier. Since I occasionally forget about my tea as I let it cool down before drinking, let’s assume that I don’t start drinking my tea until time t=infinity. Thus, the strength of her tea is equal to the integral from zero to whatever time I remove the teabag (called t=a), and the strength of my tea is equal to the tail integral from a to infinity.

We can of course solve for a algebraically:

Of course, this simply verifies our original observation that I want to remove the teabag at the point at which her tea is half as strong as the teabag would be if I waited until time infinity before removing the teabag from a single cup. We are, however, happy to see our integrals come out to a statement we already knew to be true.

–

I guess what I’m asking is, “Is it a bad thing that I started forming integrals in my head when my sister said she wanted tea?”

I think I have a negative effect on people around me.

A day or two ago, my sister knocked over a stack of CD jewel cases from a high shelf. I was using them today and noticed that the outside of one was cracked, and some of the black teeth inside were missing. She passed by, and I commented, “See, you cracked this case and knocked half its teeth out.” Two seconds later, she started laughing hysterically, and was finally able to compose herself enough to say, “I must be a great detective and boxer because I cracked the case and knocked out its teeth.”

She doesn’t have the dry delivery yet, but the sense of humor has definitely rubbed off a bit.

Is getting to make important decisions like these that will shape the future of Illinois quiz bowl.

As Israeli defense minister Amir Peretz has recently discovered, it is rather difficult to see through binocular lens caps.

“Mr Peretz looked through the capped binoculars three times, nodding as Gen Ashkenazi explained what was in view…But one Israeli paper pointed out that he is not the first prominent official to make this mistake…US President George W Bush and former Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon have both done the same thing.”